What if...

 3:28 am

The memories are particularly haunting tonight. Sleep eludes me.

What if…. What if… What if…

Come January it’ll be 17 years since she ended our marriage.
Since she ended my life…our life.
Since she moved out and moved on.
Since I moved out and…nothing.

Seventeen years. What if…

There. That’s out. Maybe sleep will come now.

More Happy Than Sad

I think of all the books I've read
So many subjects fill my head
All the words, famous writers said
Some brought happy, some brought dread

And now, looking back across the years
at all the joys, at all the fears
I see the souls who have blessed me here
I see them love, I see them cheer

So that's not so bad
of a life I've had
When it all adds up
there's more happy than sad.

Forgive Me

I had a dream 

But I was awake

It made me scream 

It made me shake

All alone

Filled with regret

Too bitter to atone

Too bitter to forget

Grief rushes all around 

I go deeper with each wave

Finally still, I’m in the ground 

My bitterness, my grave 

I clung to right

I clung to pride

I lost the fight

Alone I cried

Forgive my tears

Forgive my screams

Scarred by the years

Scarred by my dreams 

I Am On Your Side

I am the night-time,
I am your darkness.
I am the sunshine,
I am your hope. 

Please don’t hate me,
Please don’t hide.
I am your friend,
I am on your side.